Magic Words to Help Co-Parenting

Whether you are newly separated and just starting your co-parenting adventure or you have been successfully co-parenting for years, sometimes communication issues pop up. Here are some simple phrases that might help:

Softened Start Ups for Making a Request

When you need to make a request of your co-parent, introduce a topic for discussion or make a joint decision, consider these phrases as gentle ways to open the conversation:

"Would you be willing to ..."

"Would you be up for..."

"I'd love it if ..."

"Would you consider..."

Or you can take an alternate strategy and, counterintuitively, go for a "no" to your opening question. According to former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss, people are often to reluctant say "yes" to a request, so going for an early "no" can open the door. You can say something like,

"Would it be totally crazy if..."

Encourage Dialogue

For times when you need to keep a discussion going, consider these phrases:

"Help me Understand"

"Say more About ..."

"I could be wrong"

"You could be Right"

You Can Say No if you need to

Sometimes parents we work with are totally stressed by a request of the other parent. Sometimes that stress turns into a big conversation about "how could you even ask me that," or "don't you know all that I am doing right now." Sometimes all that is needed is a simple answer. Remember, it is ok for them to ask and it is ok for you to say no.

"No"

"I can't"

"Not now"

Empower the Other Parent

This next phrase can just be a good general encouragement to your co-parent or it can be a lifeline if you feel they are burying you in minutiae. When you want to empower the other parent in a decision they are making, try saying:

"I trust Your Judgement."

If you get Stuck, Get Help

If these simple phrases do not help you and your co-parent move through the issue you are facing, call us to make an appointment for mediation. If you already have your parenting plan in place and just need a little help with a specific issue that has popped up, we can often resolve the issue in an hour.



Additional Resource

I got some of these very excellent phrases from Hannah Brooks, a highly talented marriage coach and love expert. Check out her website and her podcast.